The Demise of the Story: Learning to Live in the Present more

THE DEMISE OF THE STORY: LEARNING TO LIVE IN THE PRESENT Paper presented to the Life Writing and Human Rights Conference: Genres of Testimony at Kingston University, London 11 – 13 July 2011 (Centre for Life Narratives, Kingston Helen Bamber Centre, Kingston University of Minnesota) by Dr Joseph F Ryan The Demise of the Story Abstract Stories shape what it means to be human. The ‘victim’ and ‘perpetrator’ both have their respective stories to tell. In the ‘talking therapies’ (counselling, psychotherapy and psychology), the therapist facilitates clients to understand, express and come to terms with their life narratives. Or rather, there is a reframing of these stories, so that instead of anger and despair, there is a gradual development of compassion and acceptance of their experiences and who they are. Beyond the development of these new, nurturing tales, there is the possibility of transcendence in which all narratives are ‘dropped’. Here, the person no longer relies on a conceptual framework of limiting thoughts, beliefs and assumptions, but rather allows the past, and a constraining personal story, to fall away in favour of living openly in the present moment with all its multiple possibilities. ‘You are not responsible for being down, but you are responsible for getting up.’ 2 Reverend Jesse Jackson (1941 –) The call for papers for the Life Writing and Human Rights Conference says: ‘We need victims to testify … We need perpetrators to confess.’1 This is commensurate with a ‘human rights regime’ that ‘reifies the identities of “victim” and “perpetrator.”’2 This paper considers, in particular, the use of the term ‘Victim’ and suggests a way forward for those who have suffered trauma in their lives. It also looks at the nature of story and whether any narrative is truly of benefit, or whether it is most beneficial to drop all constructed stories. Humans are story-telling animals. Therapists increasingly recognise that people are ‘shaped by narratives’ (not necessarily of their own making).3 McAdams argues that ‘identity itself takes the form of a story’.4 By the time of late adolescence or early adulthood, those living in modern societies ‘begin to reconstruct the personal past, perceive the present, and anticipate the future in terms of an internalized and evolving self-story, an integrative narrative of self that provides modern life with some modicum of psychosocial unity and purpose.’5 Freud equated mental illness with an ‘incoherent story’ and narrative breakdown, so that therapy becomes an exercise in repairing the story.6 But each story is an abstraction of the truth, a convenient series of ideas and beliefs that 1 Centre for Life Narratives, Kingston University, London and University of Minnesota, Departments of Creative Writing and Human Rights, ‘Final Call for Papers, Workshops, Performances’, Life Writing and Human Rights Conference: Genres of Testimony, http://fass.kingston.ac.uk/downloads/conference-life-writing-human-rightscfp.pdf, accessed 8 February 2011. 2 Kay Schaffer and Sidonie Smith, Human Rights and Narrated Lives: The Ethics of Recognition (Houndmills, Basingstoke: Palgrave Macmillan, 2004), p 232. 3 Maryhelen Snyder, ‘Our “Other History”: Poetry as a Meta-Metaphor for Narrative Therapy’, Journal of Family Therapy, 18 (4) (1996), p 337, first published online 23 March 2005, http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/ 10.1111/j.1467-6427.1996.tb00056.x/pdf, accessed 31 March 2011. 4 Dan P McAdams, ‘The Psychology of Life Stories’, Review of General Psychology, 5 (2) (2001), p 100, http:// homepage.psy.utexas.edu/homepage/class/Psy394U/Bower/11%20Soc%20Cog%20Personality/XX%20Constr %20Life%20Stories/McAdams-Life%20Stories.pdf, accessed 25 March 2011. 5 Ibid. 6 Michele L Crossley, ‘Introducing Narrative Psychology’, in: Kate Milnes, Brian Roberts and Christine Horrocks (eds), Narrative, Memory and Life Transitions (Huddersfield: University of Huddersfield, 2002), p 10, The Demise of the Story 3 allows the ego to thrive and grow. The result is that ‘lies are what the world lives on, and those who can face the challenge of a truth and build their lives to accord are finally not many, but the very few.’7 At present, the treatment of mental ‘dis-ease’ is by means of the ‘talking therapies’ (counselling, psychotherapy and psychology) or else the medical model’s ‘narrow focus on symptoms and diagnosis’,8 and concomitant use of medication (psychiatry): it is either a case of ‘talk, talk’ or ‘glug, glug’. Guidance is sought from therapists when people’s ‘usual, self-limited, risk-avoiding ways of operating are not paying off, when there is distress and disruption in their lives.’9 Clients coming to therapy experience their life stories in many ways, whether ‘fragmented, chaotic, unbearable, hopeful, dreamlike, and/or scarcely visible.’10 It is possible, however, to help them to explore the feasibility of ‘becoming more self-authored, of creating our own stories of who we are and how we live.’11 In terms of our stories, however, ‘What we see is determined by our preconceptions. We project what we carry with us onto our experiences, although we believe we are seeing our experiences objectively’.12 The list of therapeutic approaches is long and ever expanding.13 Among them is Transactional Analysis (TA). It was developed by psychiatrist Eric Berne in the late 1950s, and popularised in a number of books in the 1960s and 1970s.14 Clients are seen as responsible for their futures, no matter what has happened in the past. People decide their story and, therefore, their destiny. As children, people make subconscious decisions about themselves and the world. The resulting life plans, directed towards a reward, are known as ‘scripts’. Although they are often negative, clients can make a decision to change them to something positive. Unfortunately, scripts are usually beyond awareness, hence the need for a therapist to help make these early decisions conscious. http://eprints.hud.ac.uk/5127/2/Chapter_1_Michelle_Crossley. pdf, accessed 17 April 2011. 7 Joseph Campbell, Myths to Live By (London: Arkana, 1993), p 11. 8 Alexandra Lynne Adame, ‘Recovered Voices, Recovered Lives: A Narrative Analysis of Psychiatric Survivors’ Experiences of Recovery’, MA thesis (Oxford, Ohio: Department of Psychology, Miami University, 2006), p 3. 9 Sheldon Kopp, If You Meet the Buddha on the Road, Kill Him! (London: Sheldon Press, 1974), p 2. 10 Catherine Kohler Riessman and Jane Speedy, ‘Narrative Inquiry in the Psychotherapy Professions’, in: D Jean Clandinin (ed), Handbook of Narrative Inquiry: Mapping a Methodology (Thousand Oaks, California: Sage, 2007), pp 426-456, http://www.corwin.com/upm-data/13550_Chapter17.pdf, accessed 31 March 2011. 11 Snyder, ‘Our “Other History”’. 12 Bodhakari, ‘The Prison of the Self’, Therapy Today, 19 (6) (July 2008), p 30. 13 See, for example, Windy Dryden (ed), Individual Therapy: A Handbook (Milton Keynes: Open University Press, 1990) and John Rowan and Windy Dryden (eds), Innovative Therapy in Britain (Milton Keynes: Open University Press, 1988. 14 See, in particular, Eric Berne, Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relationships (New York: Grove Press, 1964); Thomas A Harris, I’m OK – You’re OK: A Practical Guide to Transactional Analysis (Oxford: Harper & Row, 1969); and Eric Berne, What Do You Say After You Say Hello? The Psychology of Human Destiny (New York: Grove Press, 1972). The Demise of the Story 4 People begin to construct life stories, or scripts, at a young age in order to make sense of the world and their place within it. Typically, a core story is chosen and adopted by the age of seven years, but it fades from awareness by adulthood. Although the scripts often prove negative or destructive, they could just as easily be positive or beneficial. Transactional Analysis theory also suggests dysfunctional relationships exist between a ‘Victim’, ‘Persecutor’ and ‘Rescuer’, which is illustrated by the Karpman or Drama Triangle. If human rights discourse speaks of ‘victims’ and ‘perpetrators’ (that is, in TA terms, the ‘Victim’ and ‘Persecutor’), who then, in this context, is the ‘Rescuer’? If it is those who name others as victims then there is a danger than human rights activists may collude in the Drama Triangle. Empowerment only comes from stepping out of this ever-revolving series of relationships by acting not as a ‘Parent’ or ‘Child’, but as an ‘Adult’ who decides to stop playing such games. In this Parent-Adult-Child (PAC) model, the ‘Adult’ responds to the demands of the ‘Victim’, ‘Rescuer’ and ‘Persecutor’ in a firm, balanced, mature, stable manner, and is not drawn off centre by their insistences or demands. The term ‘Victim’ is not empowering. A victim consciousness is ‘cramped and small’.15 To become a ‘Survivor’, therefore, is more desirable. To reach the stage of a ‘Thriver’, who has been ‘tempered by tragedy’ would be best.16 The ‘self’ is also a conceptualisation. As a concept, it is possible to change or edit it. A self-concept with a high self-esteem or self-worth allows a person to embrace his or her life unequivocally and truly live. As one Zen master suggests: The self-concept can be construed as the narrative or life-story. This narrative or life-story is not identical to the lived life; it is obviously a conceptualization of that life. But although attachment to such narrative is ill-advised—it leads to essentializing the self and thus foreclosing and precluding the possibility of change and improvement—it must not be disowned or renounced because it’s a conceptualization. This is so simply because the narrative or life-story provides the individual life with meaning.17 15 Nandinin Murali, ‘Reclaim Your Power’, Life Positive (October 2009), p 31, http://www.lifepositive.com/ Emagazinepdf/October2009/Page24.pdf, accessed 14 April 2011. 16 Susanne M Dillmann, ‘From Victim to Survivor to Thriver’ (7 January 2011), http://www.goodtherapy.org/ blog/victim-survivor-thriver-trauma-stages/, accessed 19 June 2011. 17 Sensei Lou Mitsunen, ‘“Flowers Fall, Weeds Spring Up”’, http://www.zenpeacemakers.org/ international _activities/zen_peacemakers_sangha/dharma/mitsunen/flowers_fall.htm (n.d.), accessed 4 April 2011. The Demise of the Story 5 Fortunately, it is fiction (rather than fact) that ‘so often reveals the deeper truth of the human condition’.18 Myth and fairy story can fulfil this role. A person’s life may be seen as a story, ‘unfolding in a spiraling series of experiences each having the three-phase form of separation/ordeal-learning process/return’.19 This is the ‘Hero’s Journey’. It is a ‘conceptual model, a map enabling us to grasp our own experiences as part of a significant process of personal unfolding’.20 Indeed, according to Joseph Campbell, the ‘Journey of the Hero’ can be seen as the only story in the world, and all literature reflects this.21 Everyone is a seeker for the Water of Life/the Holy Grail/the Pearl without Price. The nature of a person’s life story cannot be judged until the cycle has been completed, from the ‘Call’ to the ‘Return’. For example, what may be perceived as the ‘Road of Trials’ (and trauma to oneself) may subsequently be seen as the necessary tempering of spirit that allows the ‘Treasure’ to be realised and carried home for ‘Communion’ with others. The attempt to avoid psychological pain ‘limits our ability to be present in our own lives’.22 As such, the ‘research evidence confirms the paradoxical proposition that trying to change your unpleasant thoughts and feelings typically just makes them more entrenched’.23 In the end, however, ‘only you can change your thoughts, emotions, and feelings’.24 As Viktor Frankl, Auschwitz survivor, argues: ‘everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way’.25 Similarly, Thomas Moore says: ‘You can’t always beat your persecutors at their own game, but you can turn the tables on them morally … You can turn humiliation into courage, and fear into a love of whatever life is left to you.’26 Of course, it needs marked determination to bring such hard-won insight into real-life practice. As for the ‘Persecutor’, psychotherapist Petrūska Clarkson suggests that the ‘abuse of others leaves scars on the soul that may be worse than being the victim of abuse.’27 18 19 Kevin Chandler, ‘Turning Tricks’, Therapy Today, 20 (3) (April 2009), p 17. Linda Sussman, Speech of the Grail: A Journey Toward Speaking That Heals and Transforms (Hudson, New York: Lindisfarne Press, 1995), p 8. 20 Friedemann Wieland, The Journey of the Hero: Personal Growth, Deep Ecology and the Quest for the Grail (Bridport, Dorset: Prism Press, 1991), p 15. 21 Joseph Campbell, The Hero with a Thousand Faces, 3rd ed (Novato, California: New World Library, 2008). 22 Steven C Hayes, ‘Hello, Darkness’, Therapy Today, 18 (8) (October 2007), p 16. 23 Ibid. 24 Mike George, The 7 AHA!s of Highly Enlightened Souls: How to Free Yourself from ALL Forms of Stress and Learn to Live Your Life Peacefully, Lovingly, and Happily (Winchester: O Books, 2003), p 13. 25 Viktor E Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning (London: Rider, 2004), p 75. 26 Thomas Moore, Dark Nights of the Soul: A Guide to Finding Your Way Through Life’s Ordeals (London: Piatkus Books, 2004), pp104-105. 27 Petrūska Clarkson, The Therapeutic Relationship, 2nd ed (London: Whurr Publishers, 2003), p 63. The Demise of the Story 6 At one level, the story never changes: the basic objective facts remain the same. What changes is how people view their stories. In other words, their level of consciousness changes, so that there is less cognitive examination, or labelling, of their lives and more knowing who they are without intellectual examination and judgement. The construction of identity is an amalgam of concepts and ideas inculcated by parents, authority figures, education, culture, language, religion, and geographical and historical context. Brazier says: ‘We think we are a single unified ego, but experience reveals us to be the victim of many different seductive stories.’28 The narrative of a person’s life, therefore, is a melange of notions about one’s self. The gradual examination and stripping away of these thoughts (usually presented in a story about one’s self) reveals what is existent in the present moment, and in the here-and-now, rather than in a time-bound narrative stretching from a selective past to an imagined future. Any idea a person has of ‘being a unified ego, of having a true self, is itself simply another story.’29 Unfortunately, some people have ‘such a strong victim image of themselves that it becomes the central core of their ego. Resentment and grievances form an essential part of their sense of self.’30 Yet, it is possible to change this. As Simon and Chopra suggest: ‘With our thoughts we create our worlds … Beliefs are the ideas we hold to be true. If the ones you are holding are not serving you, consider exchanging them for ones that will.’31 Byron Katie, for example, says that she ‘discovered that when I believed my thoughts, I suffered, but that when I didn’t believe them, I didn’t suffer, and that this is true for every human being. Freedom is as simple as that. I found that suffering is optional.’32 Similarly, modern-day mystic Eckhart Tolle says that even if someone feels their grievances are completely justified, they have constructed an identity like a prison, with bars ‘made of thought forms. See what you are doing to yourself, or rather what your mind is doing to you. Feel the emotional attachment you have to your victim story and become aware of the compulsion to think or talk about it.’33 28 29 David Brazier, Zen Therapy: A Buddhist Approach to Psychotherapy (London: Robinson, 2001), p 214. Ibid. 30 Eckhart Tolle, Stillness Speaks: Whispers of Now (London: Hodder and Stoughton, 2003), p 31. 31 David Simon and Deepak Chopra, Freedom from Addiction: The Chopra Center Method for Overcoming Destructive Habits (Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications, Inc, 2007), p 15. 32 Carol Williams (ed), Who Would You Be Without Your Story? Dialogues with Byron Katie (Carlsbad, California: Hay House, Inc, 2008), p vii. 33 Tolle, Stillness Speaks, p 31. The Demise of the Story 7 The experience of trauma ‘often serves to fundamentally disrupt the routine and orderly sense of existence, throwing into radical doubt our taken-for-granted assumptions about time, identity, meaning, and life itself.’34 Suffering, therefore, can be an opportunity to break through rigid thinking about who I am. For anyone who feels a victim, taking personal responsibility is the only way to achieve transformation. It is an: unqualified recognition of the fact that you are the captain of your own ship and you choose how to sail it. You make your own choices and decisions. No one else can make you do something or make you feel bad, though sometimes it may seem otherwise. You are at the center of your own life, creating your own experience every moment. Whenever you think of yourself as being governed by external circumstances or controlled by your past, you feel powerless and victimized, but you need not perpetuate your self-victimization anymore.35 People, therefore, are left with a choice: ‘Find someone to blame and slip into oblivion, or take responsibility and reap your power.’36 If the latter is chosen, it is possible to ‘transform our pasts into a necessary, acceptable, and nonregrettable part of our lives.’37 In this sense, traumatic experiences can be recognised as the fertiliser for emerging positive qualities or spiritual virtues, tempered in the fires of our experience. As an example, ‘Being one with one’s own suffering makes compassion toward the suffering of others possible.’ 38 Similarly, trauma can be the goad that forces people to examine the existential nature of their being. But what is ultimately real cannot be ‘seen or heard or thought or grasped. You’re just seeing your own eyes, hearing your own ears, reacting to the world of your own imagination. It’s all created by your mind in the first place. You name it, you create it, you give it meaning upon meaning upon meaning.39 Eckhart Tolle states that: ‘If you cannot accept what is outside, then accept what is inside’.40 So, ‘Surrender to the grief, despair, fear, loneliness, or whatever form the suffering takes. Witness it without labeling it mentally. Embrace it. Then see how the miracle of surrender transmutes deep suffering into deep peace’.41 34 35 Crossley, ‘Introducing Narrative Psychology’, p 11. Steven Farmer, Adult Children of Abusive Parents: A Healing Program for Those Who Have Been Physically, Sexually, or Emotionally Abused (New York: Ballantine Books, 1990), pp154-155. 36 Geoff Thompson, Warrior: A Path to Self-Sovereignty (Oxford: Snowbooks Ltd, 2010), p 147. 37 Melody Beattie, Codependents’ Guide to the Twelve Steps: How to Understand and Follow a Recovery Programme (London: Piatkus, 1991), p 131. 38 Nordstrom, ‘“Flowers Fall, Weeds Spring Up”’. 39 Byron Katie with Stephen Mitchell, A Thousand Names for Joy: How to Live in Harmony with the Way Things Are (London: Rider, 2007), p 42. 40 Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment (London: Hodder & Stoughton, 2005), p 184. 41 Ibid. The Demise of the Story 8 The ‘Rescuer’ has a slightly different problem. Those familiar with the 12-step programmes, as exemplified by Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), will recognise the expression, ‘If you spot it, you’ve got it!’ So, there is no benefit in pointing out someone else’s flaws, if I have them myself. So it is with taking on the role of ‘Rescuer’ in the created drama of our lives. As Byron Katie points out: ‘All that wisdom we put out to other people is for us to hear … If it’s such great wisdom, let me live it.’42 Therapists soon discover that ‘the painful situations people get into cause them to reflect. People are often moved to consider their lives seriously in the midst of confusion, and this enforced reflection may be the beginning of spiritual insight.’ Spirit, therefore, is sometimes found ‘only after we have been broken and torn apart by failure and sadness.’43 The task then is to: ‘Become an alchemist. Transmute base metal into gold, suffering into consciousness, disaster into enlightenment.’44 Indeed, ‘Conscious evolution is humankind’s final frontier, the ultimate freedom sought by humanity since the dawn of time.’45 It is possible for people to work knowingly towards this end. As an individual, ‘If you work on yourself, you are already participating in the extraordinary, ageless work of overcoming darkness and pain, and of the evocation of latent potential.’46 This self-development, therefore, plays a vital part in the overall fruition of humanity. In Buddhism, a Bodhisattva refuses to enter Nirvana until all beings are saved, and swears an oath: ‘Innumerable are sentient beings: we vow to save them all.’ This seems a tall task, but if you save yourself first, paradoxically all will be saved. I am sure that in this room, there are many who know that the ‘best way to make spiritual progress oneself is by helping others’. Perhaps sometimes forgotten is that the ‘most effective way of helping others is to make spiritual progress oneself’.47 According to the 14th Dalai Lama, ‘the purpose of life is to be happy.’48 It should be realised, however, that: ‘Situations don’t make you unhappy. They may cause you physical pain, but they don’t make you unhappy. Your thoughts make you unhappy. Your interpretations, the stories you tell yourself make you unhappy.’49 This is the story of the ‘Victim’. Melody Beattie, however, boldly defines a 42 43 Williams (ed), Who Would You Be Without Your Story?, p 12. Thomas Moore, The Soul’s Religion: Cultivating a Profoundly Spiritual Way of Life (London: Bantam Books, 2003), 103. 44 Eckhart Tolle, Practising the Power of Now: Essential Teachings, Meditations and Exercises from The Power of Now (London: Hodder and Stoughton, 2002), p 123. 45 Pir Vilayat Inayat Khan, Thinking Like the Universe: The Sufi Path of Awakening (London: Thorsons, 2000), p 9. 46 Piero Ferrucci, What We May Be: The Vision and Techniques of Psychosynthesis (London: Mandala, 1996), pp 227-228. 47 Brazier, Zen Therap, p 53. 48 Tenzin Gyatso (14th Dalai Lama), ‘Compassion and the Individual’, http://www.dalailama.com/messages/ compassion, accessed 19 June 2011. 49 Tolle, Stillness Speaks, p 120. The Demise of the Story 9 ‘Victim’ as someone ‘who suffers – voluntarily or not – pain or harm inflicted by self or others. This is what we used to believe we were. This is what we’re not.’50 Let the labelling of others as ‘Victim’ drop, therefore, and let one’s own story of being a ‘Victim’ drop, too. There are much more growthful and powerful stories to adopt but, even so, ‘Our stories are simply attempts to explain, justify, and make meaning of our lives’.51 If you are feeling brave, therefore, let all the stories drop and enter into the present moment, without any preconceptions or beliefs clouding your experience of that which is; and enjoy the suchness of your existence. Word count = 3,545 50 51 Beattie, Codependents’ Guide to the Twelve Steps, p 228. Eli Jaxon-Bear, Sudden Awakening into Direct Realization (Novato, California: H J Kramer Book/New World Library, 2004), p 47. The Demise of the Story Acknowledgements 10 To my fellow members on the Military Narratives Panel – Siobhan Campbell (Senior Tutor in Creative Writing at Kingston University, London), Heidi James-Dunbar (tutor at Kingston University, London) and the Chair, Professor Brian Brivati (Director, John Smith Memorial Trust); counselling psychologist Dr Addila Khan (EACH, Hounslow) for her suggestions on my initial proposal; Meera Sharma (Director of the Centre for Spiritual and Transpersonal Studies) for her wisdom; colleague Jane Galan (ASCA, Kingston) for drawing my attention to several articles; and to my wife, Edina Bozsó-Ryan, for her continued patience with my academic perambulations. About the Author Dr Joseph Ryan graduated from Carleton University, Ottawa, in History and Political Science, and has a PhD in History from the University of Hull. Joseph served as a medic with the Territorial Army and later worked at the Ministry of Defence. He is now a transpersonal counsellor and integrative supervisor, working in London with people addicted to alcohol and drugs, and with their families, in particular at EACH (Brent, Ealing, Harrow and Hounslow) and the Addiction Support and Care Agency (Kingston and Richmond). He is the author of a wide variety of publications and recently completed an MA in Creative Writing at Kingston University. Dr Ryan may be contacted at: joseph_ryan@btinternet.com. The Demise of the Story Bibliography 11 Adame, Alexandra Lynne. ‘Recovered Voices, Recovered Lives: A Narrative Analysis of Psychiatric Survivors’ Experiences of Recovery’, MA thesis. Oxford, Ohio: Department of Psychology, Miami University, 2006. Beattie, Melody. Codependents’ Guide to the Twelve Steps: How to Understand and Follow a Recovery Programme. London: Piatkus, 1991. Berne, Eric. Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relationships. New York: Grove Press, 1964. Berne, Eric. What Do You Say After You Say Hello? The Psychology of Human Destiny. New York: Grove Press, 1972. Bodhakari, ‘The Prison of the Self’, Therapy Today, 19 (6) (July 2008), pp 30-33. Brazier, David. Zen Therapy: A Buddhist Approach to Psychotherapy. London: Robinson, 2001. Campbell, Joseph. The Hero with a Thousand Faces, 3rd ed. Novato, California: New World Library, 2008. Campbell, Joseph. Myths to Live By. London: Arkana, 1993. Centre for Life Narratives, Kingston University, London and University of Minnesota, Departments of Creative Writing and Human Rights. ‘Final Call for Papers, Workshops, Performances’, Life Writing and Human Rights Conference: Genres of Testimony, http://fass.kingston.ac.uk/downloads/conference-lifewriting-human-rights-cfp.pdf, accessed 8 February 2011. Chandler, Kevin. ‘Turning Tricks’, Therapy Today, 20 (3) (April 2009), pp 14-17. Clandinin, D Jean, ed. Handbook of Narrative Inquiry: Mapping a Methodology. Thousand Oaks, California: Sage, 2007. Clarkson, Petrūska. The Therapeutic Relationship, 2nd ed. London: Whurr Publishers, 2003. Crossley, Michele L. ‘Introducing Narrative Psychology’. In: Kate Milnes, Brian Roberts and Christine Horrocks, eds. Narrative, Memory and Life Transitions. Huddersfield: University of Huddersfield, 2002, pp 1-13, http://eprints.hud.ac.uk/5127/2/Chapter_1_Michelle_Crossley. pdf, accessed 17 April 2011. Dillmann, Susanne M. ‘From Victim to Survivor to Thriver’ (7 January 2011), http://www.goodtherapy.org/ blog/victim-survivor-thriver-trauma-stages/, accessed 19 June 2011. Dryden, Windy, ed. Individual Therapy: A Handbook. Milton Keynes: Open University Press, 1990. Farmer, Steven. Adult Children of Abusive Parents: A Healing Program for Those Who Have Been Physically, Sexually, or Emotionally Abused. New York: Ballantine Books, 1990. Ferrucci, Piero. What We May Be: The Vision and Techniques of Psychosynthesis. London: Mandala, 1996. Frankl, Viktor E. Man’s Search for Meaning. London: Rider, 2004. George, Mike. The 7 AHA!s of Highly Enlightened Souls: How to Free Yourself from ALL Forms of Stress and Learn to Live Your Life Peacefully, Lovingly, and Happily. Winchester: O Books, 2003. Gyatso, Tenzin (14th Dalai Lama). ‘Compassion and the Individual’, http://www.dalailama.com/messages/ compassion, accessed 19 June 2011. Harris, Thomas A. I’m OK – You’re OK: A Practical Guide to Transactional Analysis. Oxford: Harper & Row, 1969. The Demise of the Story 12 Hayes, Steven C. ‘Hello, Darkness’, Therapy Today, 18 (8) (October 2007), pp 14-18. Jaxon-Bear, Eli. Sudden Awakening into Direct Realization. Novato, California: H J Kramer Book/New World Library, 2004. Katie, Byron with Stephen Mitchell. A Thousand Names for Joy: How to Live in Harmony with the Way Things Are. London: Rider, 2007. Khan, Pir Vilayat Inayat. 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Bridport, Dorset: Prism Press, 1991. Williams, Carol, ed. Who Would You Be Without Your Story? Dialogues with Byron Katie. Carlsbad, California: Hay House, Inc, 2008.